Wednesday, October 19

unfinished business

I can't keep up with this thing. Even being out of work and home all the time I still manage to neglect it.


A couple of nights ago...or maybe yesterday, while watching Biggest Loser, Will and I were just chatting about the show and the goings on and he looked at me and said that I could do it in like a week. I could get where I want to be in a week. He's wrong, it would take a little while longer, but it kinda hit me that it's only me that can do it. And I can. So why don't I.

I love running, so why don't I do it?
I lost over 80 pounds, so why is this 20 such a pain in my ass?
Why am I so out of control?
I love vegetables and fruits, I love being active, and I miss liking my body. So why do I keep overeating and sitting on my ass?
I'm eating my feelings, I know that. I wish I could identify which feeling I was eating that didn't exist the last time I lost all the weight.

I sometimes feel like it was easy last time I did this...but it wasn't. It was a pain in the ass then as well. I could sit in my bedroom and stare at myself and cry for hours. It's was emotionally exhausting.

And I didn't lose 80lbs overnight, and I didn't gain back these 30lbs in a week.

My body and I have unfinished business...and I plan to take care of it asap...

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